When Nothing is Going Right... Go Left.

So today has not been a very wonderful day... to say the very least.

i have been trying to do everything in my power to make sure that everyone around me is happy and content with their lives and i have been killing myself doing so... it seems as though i should at the very least be granted the decency of a "thanks Angel, i appreciate it" every once in a great while. i don't feel like that is to much to ask.

In other news... my boyfriend is absolutely amazing lately. He has been the only thing really holding me together. I love that we have been doing so well lately. I love that even in the midst of this chaotic world that i have somehow found myself immersed in, he still manages to make me feel happy. i love that about him.

i do not know what in the world i would ever do with out this man.

i've caught myself a good one... now to figure out how to trap him for good. =P

NO, i know he loves me.

Moving on, i am currently sitting here on my mom's bed with my macbook laying open in front of me. My mother is sleeping a few feet away from me. Do you know how hard it is to type quietly??!?

I think that people in my life are getting upset with me a lot lately because i have been complaining about my life pretty non-stop to basically anyone who will listen to me... i suppose this is not a very attractive quality in a friendship... =/ but what else am i supposed to do? i have learned from experience that i cause myself WAY bigger problems if i keep things bottled up inside for forever... i gave myself stomach ulcers that way... i don't want to make them worse. That's all i need right? MORE doctor bills to pay for? Not so much. =/ ugh.

i feel like everytime i get on here to make another post it is filled with a whole bunch of negative things in my life. why do i only get the strong urge to blog when i am having a horrible day? does that make any DAMN sense to you??! is anyone even reading this mumbo jumbo?

wow.

i just realized that there is a very large chance that i am just blogging quietly to myself.

what. is. wrong. with. me.

grrr.

i don't even want to begin to touch on that subject... so i think i may have found a fairly decent resting point for this.

Until.

-Angel.

Duct Tape Mummy, or Creative Cocoon?

This are very different now than they were a few months ago when I blogged last. And yet, so very the same as well.

It seems like I always start these things on a negative note. In the new year i am trying to be more positive. So here are some positives. =)

•I've got a job now.
•I have been in a better mood lately.
•I can help my Grama out.
•Dylan and I are doing better lately.
•My birthday is in 8 days.
•My friends are amazing.
•I got my Dani and Tab out of the situation that they were in.
•I feel great about myself.
•I am losing weight.
•I no longer feel anything like a bum.

These random things could go on forever. But basically? I'm liking life right now. At the moment I'm laying in my bed with my dog and I'm dozing off faster that I am typing this.

More tomorrow? Hope you don't mind.


If, you know, anyone decides to read this.

Digital Dufflebags and Children Who say the Damndest Things.

I wish that I had even the tiniest smidgen of dedication that my dad had when it comes to preserving memories. I WISH that I could be half as sentimental as he was. I always make promises to myself saying that I am going to start writing more often and whatnot. Those promises never seem to last long. I HATE this about myself. Sooner or later it is going to come back and bite me in the ass. I am going to realize that I am forgetting things that I always wanted to remember.

I can feel it. And yet... what do I do?!? Nothing. Nothing at all. I am to lazy to do anything about it. =/

What do you do to change these engrained personality traits?

is it even possible?

Quote of the Day: "Why do you have that picture on your arm for your tattoo? Is it because you love him and you miss him a lot?" -Wyatt (4 years old)

Oh my word. I love these kids.

It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.

Things seem to have settled down for the most part... Right now I am focused on trying to find a job. I really feel as though I need to take care of my Grama and make it easier for us to get by. I hate that I am having such a large amount of trouble finding a job. I am not going to be like everyone else though and just blame the fact that the economy is horrible right and that no one at all has a job. That just isn't in my character. I know that it has to be something that I am doing wrong. I KNOW that it has to be something that I am doing incorrectly. =\ at this point I am being picky about the job that I get because I need it to be able to last for years. I need to be able to support myself as much as humanly possible. I can not be a Fuck up. CAN NOT be a fuck up. It is absolutely impossible for me to just give up. I need to do something to better myself. Because right now i feel as though I am seriously doing it wrong. And that is never a feeling you should have about your life. Ever ever.

Things will get better soon. I can feel it.

Dream big. Life is made of Dreams. Shoot for the moon. What have you really got to lose?!?!?

Piñata's and I Have a Few things in common tonight.

I had a sort of mini break down earlier. I really wish that uncoils somehow save those for when my boyfriend isn't there to take the brunt of it. =\ I love him soooo fucking much and yet somehow I always end up flipping out on him. I KNOW what I am doing with my life and yet for some strange reason I always get discouraged when I am faced with the fact that he is DOING something with his life already. Like I'm just convinced all of a sudden that I'm going to get left behind. Which I am well aware is not going to happen unless I make it happen. Soooooo this is my personal vow that I am going to shape up. I'm going to be a much better girlfriend from now on. My Baby deserves it. =)

In other news... I have been playing Viva Piñata for the entire day. I forgot how much I loved this game. And I also forgot how it felt to stay up into the wee hours of the morning to play a video games. It makes me miss my daddy... But not in the sad and swept kind of way... More in the "damn those were some good times that i wish I would have paid more attention to at the time" sort of way... If that makes anysense to you at all.

All in all. I am going to try and stop feeling sorry for myself so much. When in all actuality i don't seriously feel sorry for myself... I was tricking myself into thinking I was less of a person?!? I don't know if I'm making any sense... But I think I said it all correctly.

I'm missing my bestfriend a lot lately too. I would like to re-submit the fact that was spoiled on bestfriend time this summer. Truly and completely. =\ but everything will be okay. I'm absotively posoloutely sure about that. Lol.

I'm a dork. I know.

Smile. Someone loves you.

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.

Things are alright right now. I have a few things that I am supposed to be doing today... But when is that not the case. I'm sort of hungry and I wish I could see my boyfriend whenever I wanted. BUT things will settle into some form of normalcy soon enough. Atleast they better. Or I'll go bananas.

And that wouldn't be very good. For ANYONE. =P

I need to dye my mini-me's hair soon. I'm dreading turning everything that I own red though. =\ I always feel bad when I get it everywhere.

Ugh. I think I need some cuddle with my boyfriend time. Uninterrupted cuddles. Yep. That's the cure. =) hopefully soon.

Pretty Please?!?!??!

If you don't like the ship...

(((another post where the picture didn't work... Dated sometime in July?!? I think)))

...Then jump off and swim. But don't leave it burning behind you.

Why have I stopped blogging again???!?? I don't know why I always do this??? I make myself angry this way. *angry face*

It's been a really long summer so far. And we aren't even close to the end of it yet. Shit. =\ I don't know what to do to make the time go by faster. I hate feeling lonely when I am surrounded by people. And I feel like a major jerk because the people around me are trying to get me to see reason and to be okay and to feel better. When in all actuality nothing is really WRONG per say... Just sort of... Off. If that makes any sense. =P I dunno. I hope it at least resembles something senseical, is that a word? =]