I think that i too have things to say...

~*!*~ I'm sorry. Plain and Simple. I am a horrible person when it comes to you... i don't know if it's because i know that you are going to put up with my bullshit... or if i just really am a horrible person... but every single inch of my soul feels as though i have done you an injustice... i feel like i have let you down and until i can find a way to make you proud of me... i think this is something that i am forever going to dwell on. I wish there was a simple ay to just sit you down and say "Hey. I love you. I love you more than you will ever understand... i wouldn't be here without you... and you didn't have to take care of me for so long... the fact that you took me in with such open arms in such a comfortable embrace just goes to show what an amazing person you are and i am so sorry if it ever seems that i don't appreciate you. I don't know what to do to make you proud of me... or in the very least... not ashamed of me... but i AM going to figure it all out. And one thing is for sure... the sooner the better."

~*!*~ I miss you to the point that i fear i may have actually gone insane. no joke... i really don't feel like myself anymore... and yet... something feels right about that...i think that in trying to hold on to you and to the memories that we shared... i was also trying to hold on to the person... or should i say child that i was when i lost you... and i am 19 years old now... i need to be a grown-up and realize that this is how things are... this is how things are always going to be...if you were here you would tell me to suck it up and knock it off... that things were going to be okay... and that as long as i was genuinely happy I could do no wrong with my life. because you trusted me to know what does and doesn't make me happy... and what is and isn't really bad for me... All in all... things aren't good. i miss you way way way too much... and hopefully it doesn't end... because i really would lose sight of everything that i am if i didn't have my memories of you to guide me. You really did leave me way too incredibly soon. i still needed you. it wasn't fair to test my strength like that... seriously? what were you thinking...?!?!?!? i would definintely like to know... really... i would just like to know that you are okay now. I dunno... all i know is that losing you is very hard.

~*!*~ You are for all intents and purposes... Me. I miss you so much and i feel like a very large and vital part of myself is missing... and it is all because you are so far away... not only just because you are far away... but because you CHOSE to leave... you WANTED to go far away... and i know that in your heart you weren't trying to abandon me or my friendship... and i know that you love me like family just as i love you like MY family... but still... i didn't realize how incredibly much i relied on our us until the very day you left... and when you did... i was like... well. SHIT. this fucking sucks. once more... it hurts. I honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore... you were really the only one who understands how i am feeling or what i am going though without me having to take hours to try and explain myself. i never ever in a million years expected to find a person who i would see myself relying on so much like that... i never would have thought that i would have a bestfriend who really and truly cared about me... and even though i know that you love me almost as much as i love you... i was really upset with you for quite some time. i was being selfish and i felt like "how dare she!?!?... How dare she abandon me and leave our friendship in the dust" i know i know... that's not how it is... i know that we still have half of eachother's brains and that "nothing can come between us" and all that jazz... but i was sincerely hurt that you wanted to get out of here at your first opportunity. BUT... alas... had i actually been given the chance.. and there weren't certain things around to anchor me to where i need to stay... i would have probably went with you... or i would have went my own way... but it wouldn't have been this hard. That being said... i am extraordinarily proud of you for putting yourself though all of this... just for college. i have never been prouder in my life... i love you no matter what and i WILL always be here for you... i pinky promise.

~*!*~ HMM..... more later... i need to head home. =/