Pennies, Dimes, and Three Days Time!!!... 0_o

In three days time I will be in Georgia. With my boyfriend. Who has been gone for over 2 months now. I am extrememly excited for this trip, and incredibly nervous all at once. I have never traveled all alone before. This is sure to be an interesting experiance. Especially because I got screwed over and am now almost $400 in the hole. This week has not gone as well as I wish it would have. =/ All in all though, things are good for me lately. The only thing that would make my life infinitely easier is if I could somehow find a second job. I need a better way to support this family. Nothing seems like enough even though I feel like I KILL myself at work every morning. I am proud of myself though. I really, and truely can say that now. This is new for me. =P

best of all, i feel as though my Dad and my Grandpa would be proud of me because I really am trying to get it together and do as much as humanly possible to take care of everyone around me. Once again though... if only that were enough.. Does that make sense?

My life is a wonderful thing. I have had the honor to meet some of the most amazing people that have ever walked this planet. I will continue to live my life in the mold that my father built for me and it will pay off in time. I just know it will.

Until-

Mischief Managed.

Daddy Day...Anyways.

When I was younger, we would talk for hours just about what we thought the future would hold. You were going to win the lottery and build Grama and Grampa a new house and put a house for us in the back yard. Along with a custom Roller Coaster and every single one of our favorite carnival rides. I was going to be an astronaut and a magician and a writer. I had finally settled on the fact that I wanted to be an astronomer. You bought me a telescope and told me that no matter what, you were going to see to it that I had every opportunity to make my dreams come true. To help me reach my goals and accomplish anything I set my mind to. "the world is ours for the taking and all we need is eachother" it was all a wonderful idea. Now, instead of having someone to talk crazy schemes of the future with, I'm working my butt off at FedEx and trying to do my best to take care of those around me, paycheck to paycheck. I can't hangout with my friends or play video games or anything of that nature and it confuses me... Because I can remember you having 3 jobs at once and still finding time for family and friends. And me. ALWAYS time for me. Back then, all I ever wanted was to make you proud of me. Now, even though I know you'd be really proud of me- I feel like it's undeserved. I know that I am a good person, and I have a very big heart. That is because it's how you raised me. At least until I was 13. Now, things just get crazier and crazier. I don't know how to handle it all anymore, and I also don't know how to STOP handling it. It's a curse.

Back then, I would run to you to talk about anything and everything... But let's face it. 13 year olds don't exactly have MONUMENTAL issues to discuss. The first really big thing that ever happened to me- was losing you. Go figure huh? The first time I ever had a ginormous thing to come and talk to you about... And you're the only person I can't go to?! "just my luck" is what you'd say to that. So much has happened since then. I had to figure out how to deal with the world on my own. ME against the World instead of US. And I learned something about myself. I'm STRONG. I can handle it all. I do have bad days.. I miss you like crazy ALL the time still... And it's been over 7 years. Now Grampa's gone too?!! At the risk of sounding fairly childish and annoying. THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!! =\

I know, I know, everything is going to be alright... That's what everyone always says. I know by now that things are going to be okay. If I can make it through 7 years without you... Things are going to be okay. I'm always going to have bad days here and there... Like when someday in the future when I get married, have kids, go to college, make something of myself, even just random days when I want to remember everything I can about you. Like why I got your picture tattoo'd on my arm. But now there have been more good days than bad and it's been this way for quite some time now. I know you'd be happy about that.

It still bums me out sometimes that a very large portion of my friends never got a chance to know you. They never got to see how amazing you really were. They just have to go by what I tell them. Even my boyfriend. He's never met you but he says that he thinks he can say he knows you just because he knows me. And we all know what a big impact you are on my character.

So, once again... Instead of a father's day gift to give you and take you out somewhere- I'll be buying flowers to take to the cemetery and probably sit there in the peace and quiet for a while. This has grown to be a bit of a tradition for me.

Happy Father's Day!!! To the most AMAZING Person I've ever encountered. I miss you like crazy. Kiss Grampa for me and tell him Happy Daddy Day as well?

I love you Daddy,

Turkey.

Prairie Pups and Long Distance Loves...

79 more days until my Dylan comes home. He's almost been gone for 50 days. I miss him like crazy right now. Things are gonna be okay though =) I promise.